My First Week of Boot Camp and the Damn Hill

by Jesshampson on July 11, 2013

It’s week two of my boot camp and I just had my first Wednesday Weigh-in. I have lost .4 lbs. You read that right, not even half a freakin pound. Everything hurts and I’m exhausted. I am so frustrated.

Some of you may be asking: “week 2? Where is week 1? I had no idea you were doing boot camp. WHY DO YOU NOT TELL US THESE THINGS?”

Well…week 1 was a complete and utter disaster and I did not think it deserved an update or a blog post. Until today when I got on the damn scale and it said point freakin 4.  Screw you scale.

I admit, you will need some back story here to understand my frustration so here is my recap of week 1 .

Things you should know:

A. I hate working out when I am not in shape. Your probably saying, “Duh!, who does?”.   Well believe it or not there are some freaks, I mean people, that do and you can find them up and awake at 5:30AM at Herman Park every day of the week.

B. I went through two surgeries since the last time I did any intense cardio training. So this time around I am missing an organ.  AN ENTIRE ORGAN.  I am attempting to run my body around without a full set of organs.  Ok it was only my gallbladder, but still some people are working with a full set and I see this as a major advantage.  The other surgery happened two years ago this week and as a result I have pins in my right foot.  (minor details)

C. I don’t like mornings

D. I don’t like breakfast food during breakfast hours

E. I have never been the “athlete” in my family, that’s my sister, I was always the “artsy one” of the two of us, actually she was pretty “artsy” too.  I could do math.  She, still to this day, cannot.

F. I’m getting older…notice I didn’t say old…just older…Uggg!!

G. I’m a perfectionist and I hate doing things that I am not good at on the first try (this is key)

All that being said, I signed up for this boot camp a week after my 29th birthday, giving myself two weeks to mentally prepare for the hell I was about to put my body through. This was probably a mistake. Thinking about it for two weeks did not help me in any way.

The night before my first class, the anxiety started and I put out on Facebook that I was making one of these grand “life changes for the better”. It was all very cryptic, in fact many thought I was leaving my job or moving to NYC and approached me the next day at the office in a panic. I’m not going anywhere people! Fret not!

July 1st, I woke at 4:45 AM after a very restless night’s sleep because, yes, the anticipation of working out with a group of people and me suckingcauses me severe anxiety(see G). But I already knew it was going to suck, so go ahead and multiply that anxiety by two.

Hermann Park Hill Don’t let the fun being had in this picture fool you. This hill is a beast.

I showed up to the park, in the dark,and found a bouncy cheerful trainer setting up cones to music blasting from a stereo parked at the bottom of

an enormous hill. I stared up The Hill. That damn hill.  What the hell had I got myself into?

To sum it up, I threw up(4 times), all on the first day. First time I was discreet and went behind a tree. 2-4 happened on The Hill in front of everyone else in my class.  After week 1, I thought I was dying. My body felt drained and empty. I was a walking/limping zombie at work and had to keep myself caffeinated just to make it through my daily conference calls.

Needless to say, week 1 was a disaster for me. The only thing I can say is that I got out of bed, showed up to camp and I tried, which I guess counts for something.


Week 2 has been better than week 1 in the fact that I have not thrown up. Though, I have come awfully close. I have done more burpees and lunges this week than I have done in my entire life. I have pushed my body to do things I swore I could/would never do because those movements were only meant for athletes, not “mathletes”.   But, I keep showing up, and again, that has to count for something.

Till my next Wednesday Weigh-in,

Hug and Loves


She’s Baaaaaaaaack!!!!

by Jesshampson on May 21, 2013

She’s back! She’s back! After a year hiatus, one of my favorite bloggers has returned to the blogosphere after taking some time to deal with the horrible reality that is depression.

Guys, this post is amazing.  But before I get to that….

If you have never read any of Allie Brosh’s posts on Hyperbole and Half, you might take this new post as kinda, for lack of a better description, weird and depressing. So if you are new to the wonder that is Hyperbole and Half, go read this post about her dog and/or this one about her first trip to Texas. If you still haven’t chuckled or found any of it minutely funny then don’t read her new post, it will be a waste of your time. In fact, you should probably stop reading my blog too, cause my sarcasm is much more subtle than hers and I have probably already offend you.gak

But, if you are one of the many who are still with me, do me a favor. If you are suffering from depression or know someone that is suffering from depression, read it. You will be delighted that someone has finally been able to put into words/hysterical cartoons all the feelings and situations you could not explain. Why you wore that hoodie with spaghetti stains around for 3 months without a care, or somehow your ass stopped functioning as a seating device and your posture was permanent imitation Nickelodeon Gak.

Please believe me when I say this is not my attempt at making light of a serious mental condition.  I would be the LAST to do so.  Depression is real and painful, but REALLY hard to explain to those who do not have it or have never experienced it first hand.

I would like to congratulate Mrs. Brosh on this amazing post as I am sure it will help many people out there begin to understand, or at least become a little more empathetic to someone going through the fight with depression.  You are a brave and courageous soul for putting it out there.

Welcome back to the interwebs Hyperbole and Half -we are thrilled to have you back!!

Image from Hyperbole and a Helf


I Will Never Grocery Shop the Same Way Again

by Jesshampson on May 10, 2013

I love discovering inspiring work and I usually find nothing more inspiring than the ability to shed light and perspective on the mundane. In this inspiring commencement speech by the late author, David Foster Wallace, we are challenged to approach the mundane routine of day to day life differently. Interestingly, Wallace chooses to make his commencement speech about a side of adult life that no one really talks about, the dreaded and all to familiar Routine.

Why are we never warned about this? We are tested and quizzed on history, psychology and the life cycle of the human cell. We are told to memorize elements from the periodic table and to internalize the brilliant works of great authors before us, but no one told us how to approach the Routine, or even that it existed.

This Routine, this day to day thing that just happens. It’s not until you are standing in line at the grocery store at 8:00 PM, still in your work clothes, starving and longing for nothing but to take your dress shoes off, that you realize your college education, those four long years, had nothing to do with education at all. I think Wallace says it best. ” The Truth is, the real value of a real education has (almost) nothing to do with knowledge and everything to do with simple awareness.  Awareness to what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain site around us all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves, over and over…”


I’m Struggling

by Jesshampson on May 10, 2013

I’m struggling to find an outlet for my words. A place that I can just lay it all out there and when completed, send it out into the universe for whoever may stumble upon it at 3 in the morning while struggling from insomnia. For years I have kept a daily journal of my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I documented vacations or really bad first dates. But it’s that last part that I am missing. The sending of my words out into the interwebs in hopes that someone else will read them, relate and not feel so alone in this world. It’s a blogger’s love story.

So why the struggle? Big brother, of course! What if my future employer doesn’t

like that I was sick with a bad illness 5 years ago or that I am friends on Facebook with a raised Jewish now atheist scientist who writes stories about that afterlife. An afterlife that is depicted in no way like the Heaven that is spoken of in the Bible(I heart you Dr. Eagleman)? What if they don’t like the fact that I can be found on Youtube participating in a Karaoke contest, which I totally won, or that I am a known volunteer and supporter of the No Kill Animal movement in Houston?

What if they think it’s weird that I see color when I listen to music or the fact that I worked for Govenor Rick Perry?…best part of that job was still getting to ride the secret elevator in the Capitol building with Ted Nugent and the secret service guys. See!!! It’s stories like that that I want to tell with no fear and no judgement, but there is this damn voice inside of me that piped up every time I sit at the keyboard. “Now, now…use disgretion”. Yes, she’s condesending and yes, she sounds like Lois from Family Guy. Don’t ask me why.

So what’s a girl to do?

Aw fuck it, here we go!